From Car and Driver, July/August 2023? Wait, 2026. Right.
You remember when you ate dirt. Probably. Then you grew up. Now you have a job, clean underwear, and you’re dragging the next generation through the fragrant tapestry of life that is childhood. You need a vehicle to haul the soil-gobblers around.
If you’re shopping here, you likely have kids. All these SUVs start around $40,00 or $45,00 but we tested the fully loaded versions. We’re talking mid-$50s to high $60s. That is twenty percent more than the average new car price. For what? The greatest concentration of heated seats, ventilated surfaces, touchscreen real estate, and sunroof square footage in automotive history.
The winner? It has to keep the kids from screaming and the parents from losing their minds. Maybe they’ll even love the car itself. (We are strictly forbidding testing these vehicles for human procreation capabilities. HR is watching.)
8th Place: Nissan Pathfinder
The Pathfinder used to be a rugged, body-on-frame off-roader. A proper name. Now that ProPilot Assist handles the driving, maybe call it the Pathfound. It does nothing wrong, per se, but it does everything with numbness.
Nissan stuck with a naturally aspirated 3.5-liter V-6. It makes 284 hp and 259 lb-ft of torque. Honda is technically one hp and three lb-ft stronger, yet the Pilot doesn’t get called “gutless.” The Pathfinder does. Twice in the logbooks.
The engine whines when you ask for power. The transmission lags. The brakes feel disconnected. The gas pedal? Like stepping in lake mud.
And the lane-keeping is terrifying. Not because it fights you, but because it doesn’t. We drove on the freeway thinking a tornado had hit the cornfields. No grass was blowing. No birds were falling. The car just… meandered. One editor wrote “whiplash.” Another called it a “mosh pit.”
The cabin? Airy. The third row is surprisingly roomy for three adults. But “roomy” isn’t the same as comfortable. And that fake wood trim? Unconvincing.
Highs: Space. Towing (6,000 lbs).
Lows: Where do I start?
Verdict: If you need to tow that much, buy a used Chevy Tahoe. The Pathfinder feels like a kit car. A nice one, but unfinished. Dave VanderWerp noted it lacks “the last 5 percent of polish.”
7th Place: Mazda CX-90
Mazda replaced the beloved CX-9 with the CX-90. Same brand, totally different animal. Longitudinal inline-six, turbo, premium gas. It looks beautiful. The interior has real wood. You sit low. It feels like a sports car for people who don’t care about sports.
Except you have kids in the back.
The ride quality is atrocious. On bad roads, it feels like Gordon Ramsay is chopping your spine. Even on smooth tarmac, the second-row headrest shakes enough to rattle your teeth.
Is it fast? Sure. 340 hp. But it loses a drag race to a hybrid Toyota. And a Ford “hot rod.” The inline-six screams loudly but unsexily under full throttle. It shifts early. One editor thought it was supercharged. It’s not. It just whines.
Fuel economy was actually best-in-class at 29 mpg in our test.
Highs: Attractive. Simple controls.
Lows: Horrible ride. Too focused on the driver, not the passengers.
Verdict: We love the idea of the CX-90 more than the car. If you drive this, park a Miata at home and use that for fun. This is for suffering stylishly.
6th Place: Volkswagen Atlas
This is the old Atlas. The 2026 version. The 2027 model is coming. It is longer. Faster. We ignored it. Why? Policy forbids age discrimination. Also, ballots judge, they don’t discriminate.
The current Atlas feels huge. Good news for the backseat kids. They raved. More room than anything else. The second row scoots forward easily. The third row isn’t tight.
Driving it feels different. High up. Hood stretches to the horizon. It rides like a covered wagon over washboards. A boat on bumps.
The turbo-four engine tries hard. It mimics a V-12 whine under load. Audi vibes? Maybe.
The tech, though? A disaster. The screen is dated. The touch-sliders for HVAC are annoying. You have to stare at them. The 2027 will be better. This one? The interior looks like someone scattered planks of fake wood on a table and called it design. No cohesion. Just… places where things exist.
Highs: Cavernous. Make-believe engine noise.
Lows: Rough. Bland interior. Obsolete.
Verdict: It doesn’t matter. The new one is right there. We beat a dead horse today.
4th Place (Tie): Toyota Grand Highlander
Toyota waited until the Grand Highlander to finally make the third row usable. No more folding the youngest child.
Our tester was a Hybrid Max. Turbocharged. 362 hp. It felt engaged. Unexpectedly fun. The six-speed auto shifts slick. The sound is gruff. Did a GR engineer sneak in? Maybe.
It balances well. Not top-heavy like the Korean cars. Not stiff like the Mazda. The brakes are firm. Easy to modulate. It felt stable, even if the stopwatch times weren’t impressive. Tire and wind noise were loud, though. You feel the hybrid battery weight.
Inside? The driver’s seat is perfect. Controls make sense. But the rear? Headroom is snug. The theater seating raises the hips but crowds the skull. Cargo space? Massive. Better than almost everyone here. Kids bring luggage. This fits it.
Highs: Powerful hybrid. Comfortable driver.
Lows: Noisy. Tight headroom in back.
Verdict: It blends in. It works. “A lot of competence, not a lot of fun.” K.C. Colwell called it “good reliable transportation for seven.” And that is the goal, isn’t it?
4th Place (tied): Honda Pilot
Honda started the transverse-V-6 unibody SUV craze. They stick to the formula. Hardly evolved.
This Pilot has a naturally aspirated V-6 like the Pathfinder. But it’s slower. Thirstier. It tied for worst fuel economy. It is inspiring in the way a three-day rainstorm is inspiring: drearily.
Logbooks called it “forgettable.” “Not too or very anything.” “Meh.” One entry: “Blah.”
But here is the twist. Nobody hated it. Indifference, sure. But not anger. It feels familiar. You know what you are getting into.
Text cut off mid-thought.
Where did we go wrong? Perhaps the Honda saved itself by doing absolutely nothing unexpected. In a world of hyper-connected screens and turbo-whining sedans disguised as crossovers, maybe the Pilot is the only vehicle honest enough to be just a box on wheels.
